A Broken Forever Page 2

  It was then that I saw it too. Not that I hadn’t been able to see Richard as my future as well, but it was different. After the…well, just after, I gave up on the idea of a family. There was something about him though, and I couldn’t just step aside and let some other woman swoop in. I wanted to be Richard’s woman, and it became clear that he felt the same.

  “Bon Appétit.” Richard placed the plate in front of me, bringing my thoughts back to the present.

  “It smells so incredible. Seriously, our neighbors are undoubtedly jealous right now.” He let out a low chuckle as he took the seat next to mine.

  “Hardly, my dear.” I pressed a kiss to his lips.

  “Thank you, baby.”

  We ate happily in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. It wasn’t until I took a bite that I realized how hungry I truly was. I never stopped for lunch, and this tasted like Heaven. Richard finished his slices first, and without hesitation began to clean the dinner mess.

  Even with my mouth full of food I tried to stop him. “Don’t you dare clean! You made me this beautiful dinner. I’ll get it all later.”

  He smiled and shook his head. “It’s merely a habit, darling. So, how was your day? Did you and Amy have a nice chat?” Richard knew Amy was my therapist that I met with every Friday and have been for the past six or so years. That remained the extent of our conversation about it. We never talked about what was said or why I continued to go. Part of me felt as if I should offer up more about it, but when the time came my answers all remained the same.

  “It went well. Amy seems to be doing good…so that’s good,” I answered lamely.

  “Good,” he replied with a nod as he continued washing the dishes. One of these days I swore I would tell him more. Maybe when I actually understood the situation myself and could tell Amy why I held that hour appointment every week. Once I understood—I would talk about it.

  “Then I stopped by the salon to check on things, and Kacie sort of took my hair hostage.” He cast a glance over to me.

  “She did a great job, but it isn’t hard to make you look beautiful.”

  I hopped off the stool and walked over to him, lacing my arms around his waist. My cheek rested against his back and I heaved a big sigh, breathing in the scent of his woodsy cologne.

  “What would I do without you?”

  Richard’s soft chuckle rumbled against my face. “You’re mistaken, Grey. It is me who would be lost without you.”

  “I doubt it,” I whispered.

  “How about we just never part so we don’t ever have to find out?”

  His words struck a chord in my heart, jogging a moment I thought I had forgotten completely. My eyes squeezed shut as the memory took over.

  The sun was just beginning to peek around the curtains, casting an angelic glow upon Stefan’s face. My head rest against his stomach as my fingers traced the delicious lines of his chest. His eyes were closed, but from the way he was breathing I knew he was still awake. It had been a little more than twelve hours since we said ‘I do’ and I still couldn’t grasp the thought. This perfect man with his incredibly intense blue eyes, soft lips and a heart of gold that he hid from the rest of the world was mine.

  How on Earth had I been so lucky? It didn’t matter that we were young, because I felt it in my soul—Stefan Harrison was the man I was made for. Our hearts were pieces of a puzzle, and no one else could fit together the way we did.

  “What are you thinking about?” I asked, daring to break the silence.

  Stefan gave a contented sigh before opening his eyes to gaze lovingly at me. “Just thinking how perfect this moment is. How incredibly perfect you are.” I smiled up at him. “I don’t deserve you Grey, but I’ll never stop proving to you that you are everything to me.”

  My hand clutched onto my heart as his beautiful words sank in. “Oh, Stefan…”

  “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Greyson Rose. I could never imagine waking up each morning without you next to me.”

  I sat up and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. A smile formed over my lips as I stared into his stoically stunning face.

  “Well, how about you just never leave, and then you will never have to wake up a single day away from me.”

  Stefan smiled back and pressed his forehead down to mine.

  “I’m not going anywhere, baby.”

  Fresh tears rolled from my eyes and stained the back of Richard’s shirt.

  “I’m not going anywhere, baby,” I whispered much too low for Richard’s ears, while my arms squeezed him even tighter.

  The rest of the evening before Richard left for his shift at the hospital was torture. I spent it trying to not look like I was on the verge of tears. I knew Richard’s worry would sky rocket if he thought something was wrong. Especially if he would be spending the next thirty hours out saving lives. That left me altering between either babbling ceaselessly about nothing or sitting in my favorite chair, staring out the window. It was difficult to say which one worried him more. I promised myself that I would make it up to him later. Then just when I thought I couldn’t feel any worse about myself, Richard drew me a bath. Candles, a glass of wine, bubbles and a stack of my bridal magazines that I had accumulated over the past few months.

  It was awful because it wasn’t; he deserved a piece of the knowledge that was swimming around in my head, but I just couldn’t let it out. As Richard kissed me goodbye, I could sense all my attempts to not worry him had backfired. After assuring me he would call and message as often as he could, I had a good, chest-heaving meltdown. My soothing bath was spent with my face buried in my hands.

  I hated memories and absolutely everything involved with the past. Well, okay, maybe that was just a little strong. I didn’t hate it, but I hated the way memories made me miss it.

  The realization crushed me. My heart twisted and I felt ready to hurl. Vigorous sobs shook my entire body as I felt the void that I thought was successfully closed up, open once again. It was as if someone sliced open my chest and left everything spilling out. I felt aware and frightened, and not to mention…empty. It was a feeling I had completely forgotten about, now that emptiness was seeping into every inch of my body. It flowed through my bloodstream, filled my lungs and covered my heart; I didn’t know if I could make this feeling stop.

  I rinsed the soap bubbles off, blew out the candles, slipped into my room and crashed on my bed. Richard and I always had strict sides of the bed, but today I had to cross the line; burying my face in his pillow and clutching mine to my chest, with attempts to soothe the ache. It took all my remaining strength not to call Richard and have him come home. Every time I got close to caving I reminded myself that it wasn’t his touch, smell and warmth that I longed to have. It was that of a man I promised to forget, even though my heart didn’t seem to want to let him go.

  I wasn’t sure how much time had passed between the deep belly cries and the moment when I finally fell asleep.

  My eyes fluttered open and everything hurt. My mind was disoriented, my mouth was dry and my body felt heavy. I let my eyes case the room noticing the single bouquet of flowers, the beeping machine next to me and the tubes attached to my arms. I didn’t know how I got here or why for that matter, but a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach told me I didn’t want to know. My attention flickered to the door where the face of my brother came into view. A smile touched his lips, but it didn’t push away the worry lines between his eyes.

  I opened my mouth to speak, but my throat was too dry, keeping the questions locked within me. Seconds passed before a nurse entered my room and came to my side.

  “Hello Grey, my name is Jennifer, and I will be your nurse today. You’re at Massachusetts General Hospital. You were in a car accident and knocked unconscious, but we were able to get you here and taken care of.”

  The accident flashed into my head. Stefan sleeping, me screaming, the car scraping alongside a truck before somehow turning around. The headlights from another car pie
rced the side of my face as I saw it speeding towards us.

  I blinked my eyes a few times, making the image in my head vanish. The nurse’s empathetic look was twisting my stomach in uncomfortably knots.

  “Here, will you help her drink some water while I call the doctor?” Jennifer asked my brother, motioning to the water by my side table.

  “Of course,” Jayden replied, springing into gear.

  “Wait,” I choked out. My voice was soft, but Jennifer stopped and looked my way.

  “Yes, dear?”

  My eyes clenched shut as I tried clearing my throat. “Where are Stefan and Allie?” I asked, keeping my eyes locked on Jennifer’s face. The ever so slight grimace of her mouth was enough. Something wasn’t right. That explained my brother’s expression, the reason Stefan wasn’t by my side, and the horrible feeling in the pit of my heart.

  Oh God, please tell me you didn’t take them home yet. I need them here.

  “Let me get the doctor,” she said before turning on her heel and walking swiftly from the room.

  I looked to Jayden in time to see him wipe away a fresh tear. His hands shook as he poured a glass of water and as he unwrapped a straw. He avoided my eyes while he worked, finally making eye contact when he brought the straw to my lips.

  “What happened?” I asked before letting the cold and refreshing water replenish my mouth. It tasted wonderful, but I could already feel it tightening again as I prepared myself for whatever there was to hear.

  Once the glass was empty, Jayden set it down and leaned over me, pressing his lips gently to my forehead. “I’m so happy you’re okay, Grey.”

  I looked to the splint on my right arm and knew I wasn’t going to be okay if my family wasn’t. “Jay?” I asked again.

  Just as he opened his mouth a crowd of people entered my room. An unrecognizable face that was clearly the doctor, my parents, and on their tail was Stefan. I felt my heart soar as I saw a face I was beginning to fear I would never see again.

  “Stef,” I cried out. He came to my side and immediately pressed a kiss to my cheeks and then my lips. My eyes quickly took his appearance into mind and he seemed okay.

  “Oh baby…” his husky voice whispered out. I searched his eyes and saw the same fresh tears that were in my family’s.

  “Where’s Allie?” I asked, realizing my sweet little girl was the only one not among them. Each person shifted their eyes from me to the doctor.

  “Grey, I am Dr. Murray. As Jennifer told you earlier you were in a car wreck. You have a few broken ribs, a broken wrist and a concussion. We’ve been giving you pain medication to help you while you were coming around.”

  “Where is my daughter?” I didn’t give a shit what happened to me.

  Dr. Murray looked to my mother, even placing a hand upon her shoulder. The others looked her way as if they rehearsed this moment. My always smiling mother stepped closer to my bed while her hands wrapped around my uninjured one.

  “Oh Greyson,” she whimpered out. I did nothing but stare at her; I needed to know what was going on. “The wreck was horrible, darling.” Her eyes shifted from my face to my injured arm; her lips puckered as she attempted to hold back the approaching tears.

  My father stepped closer, pressing a supporting hand against my mother’s back. “Tell her, Elle.”

  I was about to scream; they all knew what was going on and were treating me as if I wasn’t mere inches from them. This wasn’t fair—I was no child—I was a mother that deserved the truth. Yet, no words escaped my dry throat. As much as I needed to know what happened, I knew after I did, there would be no going back.

  “Greyson, our sweet Allie isn’t with us anymore. She—” she stopped to clear her throat. “She is home with our Lord.”

  I stared at her unblinking. “What?” I whispered out for clarification.

  My mother’s face scrunched with sorrow but finally, she said it. “Allie didn’t make it, Greyson; she died before they got her to the hospital.”

  Those words. They brushed over my face but didn’t sink in. It wasn’t possible. I wouldn’t believe it. I was okay, Stefan was too, so why would she be gone?

  I felt my head shaking from side to side as I looked around to the other members of my family.

  “Where is she?” I asked frantically.

  My father walked up to the other side of my bed and squeezed my upper arm. “No!” I yelled, trying with pointless effort to pull my broken arm away from him.

  “Grey…” The doctor whispered in a soothing tone that did nothing to settle the pain and agitation in my heart.

  None of what these people were saying mattered. There was only one I would believe, but when I looked to Stefan for the first time—I became terrified. Very slowly he had backed away from me. A hand cupped over his mouth as his eyes were glassy from the encroaching tears.

  No…this wasn’t true. It wasn’t real. My eyes squeezed shut, willing myself to awaken from this horrifying nightmare. When I opened my eyes there was no change.

  “She’s not.” The tears were forcing my voice to fluctuate.

  He blinked one slow blink before connecting our eyes. “She’s gone.”

  My stomach dropped and my heart broke in such a literal sense I wondered if I would ever recover. I needed to see her; that was my baby. My sweet little love. My angel on Earth, but she was mine. It wasn’t time for her to leave yet, why would He take her away?

  My left hand covered my mouth as I continued shaking my head. The word ‘no’ coming out repeatedly, but nothing changed. I cried out, but nothing anyone was doing was going to make this better. I just wanted her.

  The soft undeniable sound of Stefan’s voice broke through the cries. “I’m so sorry.” It hurt to think it, but sorry wasn’t enough to fix this.

  My Allie was gone.

  I shot up, my heart beat rapidly against my chest as beads of sweat accumulated under my mass of thick hair. Tears streamed down my cheeks as my body heaved up and down. I quickly looked around the room and relief flooded me as I recognized my bedroom. It wasn’t the hospital bed I was waking up in; I wasn’t reliving one of the worst moments of my life. Even better, I knew there was liquor in the other room. I wiped away the endless trails of tears with the sleeve of my robe and flipped my legs out of bed.

  This was ridiculous. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could stand thinking things like this. The past was in the past. Things weren’t meant to be with me and Stefan and Allie…my sweet Allie…but she was in a better place. I stumbled my way into the kitchen, hardly trusting the rubbery feeling in my legs. My hands grasped the countertop, and I pulled air into my lungs as quickly as I could. This had to stop.

  Flashbacks, dreams, memories, it was all just too damn much. In another life I had to have been a complete monster to be tortured in this way. Once I felt I had my breathing under control, I glanced to the clock above the oven. It was just after three in the morning, meaning it was far too early to be up for the day, but I knew there was no way I could just go back to sleep.

  I slid down along the cupboards and reached into Richard’s built-in wine fridge. He liked saving these bottles for either a special dinner or when we hosted a party, but right now—they had another purpose. It was time to forget the past and let go of the hurt. Stefan represented all that I used to be, but Richard was now everything I am.

  That didn’t stop my subconscious from holding onto to an unchangeably devastating past.

  “Good morning, ladies!” I sang out as I walked through the doors of Bella Donna. My plan of action today was to have an overabundance of pep; then maybe no one would know I spent my night in tears. That plan failed from just about the second I got there. Kacie peered over her shoulder to greet me and jumped back a step.

  “What the hell happened to you?” she burst out.

  I glanced down at my shirt, expecting some weird foreign stain to have made its way onto me. After seeing nothing I looked back to Kacie with a question in my eyes.

  “
What are you talking about?” Our stations were next to each other, and the closer I got the more her eyes bugged out. “You’re really starting to freak me out, Kace.”

  “Hey Grey!” I heard Kari call out before Kacie could finish.

  Kari and Kacie were sisters that lived together, worked together and honestly—were my best friends. We even set up the stations so the girls were on either side of me, enabling us to spend the entire day talking and laughing together. Where Kacie’s hair hung to her shoulders with lighter highlights covering her head, Kari’s hair was long, straight and had a mixture of purple and blonde streaks in the under layers. The two of them were almost complete opposites, but there wasn’t one thing I didn’t love about the girls. Before I moved in with Richard I had actually lived in the third bedroom of their flat. As much as I loved my fiancé, there were days I really missed being with my girls.

  “Hey darling!” When I turned to Kari her eyes bulged just as Kacie’s had. I threw my hands up in the air. “Okay, what’s going on?”

  “Did you sleep at all last night?” My head cocked to the side at Kari’s question.

  “Um, yes?”

  Kacie snorted. “It doesn’t look like it. You look like a mess, Grey!” I rolled my eyes as I flung my purse down onto my chair.

  From afar the mirror in front of me didn’t show someone that deserved the kind of reaction the Brooks sisters’ gave. My knee-high brown boots, dark jeans, white and black stripped tank top with a black flowy cardigan looked clean and professional. I even went so far as to curl my hair the same way Kacie had yesterday, not to mention I had checked and rechecked my make-up before leaving the house. All to look like someone who had her life together.