A Broken Forever Read online

  First and foremost I want to dedicate this to my sweet daughter, Peyton. Writing some of the moments in this book made me want to do nothing more than squeeze you tight. To say, I love you, and never let go. You’re my Teeny, my Buggy, and you’ll always be my baby.

  Secondly, I’ll like to dedicate this to all the mothers, fathers, and families that have ever experienced the loss of a child. Everything in this book I wanted to portray as truthfully as possible. Losing a child is never a light topic and I wanted to show truth to let others see how strong these individuals are. I could never truly imagine how difficult that would be and want to show the utmost respect for anyone who has ever had to say goodbye to their little love.

  Last but not least, I want to dedicate this book to Eileen Robinson. You have been…my lifeline through this. You started as a fan of my work but now you will forever have a place in my heart. Every single thing you have done for me has touched my heart and soul and none of it will ever be forgotten. Thank you for supporting me and always being there for me.

  We waved goodbye to my family through the bay window as I climbed into the passenger seat. I twisted in my seat to watch the man of my dreams secure our sweet baby Allie’s car seat into the base. Watching Stefan’s eyes carefully focused on the buckles, ensuring everything was tightly in place, was one of the most heartwarming sights I had ever seen. Nine months ago we both laid eyes on our little girl for the very first time, and everything had changed for us. I never thought I could love anything as much as I loved Stefan—until I met her. Allison Rose Harrison was perfect, and all the best parts of Stefan and me. The love between us blossomed as I saw the way he watched and protected Allie.

  People had always said the two of us would never last.

  What they never realized was that it had been fate from the moment we turned the corner and ran directly into each other. We met during his senior year, my junior year, and were immediately drawn to the other. From the moment we met we never spent a day apart. It didn’t matter our age—this was love. Our love was silly, sweet and so incredibly passionate. The way our eyes locked in a heated gaze always caused my skin to tingle with even the slightest touch. Every moment was wonderful; it didn’t matter where we were, it was always just us.

  The following fall after I turned eighteen, we were married, despite the none-too-quiet protests from his family. It wasn’t long after my high school graduation I found out I was pregnant; nine months and four days later our sweet little Allie joined our world.

  The whispers of doubt about our young and small family never died while our love continued to grow. Being a wife and mother was a regular challenge, but that didn’t matter because Stefan and Allie made everything worth it. As long as I had Allie and Stefan by my side, I knew all would be okay.

  Stefan covered Allie’s legs and arms with a soft pink blanket before pressing a kiss to her forehead. She stretched for a moment but continued snoozing away—not that I blamed her. All my family loved her and spent the duration of the night passing her from person-to-person. I had no doubt Allie would sleep soundly the entire drive home. Stef reached a finger up to tap the tip of my nose before shutting the door and taking his seat behind the wheel.

  I took one more look at Allie’s chubby pink cheeks, button nose and pouty lips. An angel— that’s what she was. When Stefan was back I twisted myself to look at him as I leaned my shoulder into his.

  “Did you have fun tonight, beautiful girl?” His smile grew across his lips, as did mine.

  “It was wonderful.” Leaning down, Stefan placed a soft peck to my lips before starting up the car.

  My eyes remained on him as he reached across, pulled his seatbelt into place and adjusted the heat.

  “Stefan, are you okay to drive right now?” I had no doubt that we wouldn’t be in the car if he wasn’t okay, but what kind of wife would I be if I didn’t ask?

  “I didn’t have anything alcoholic to drink tonight, Greyson Rose.”

  My lips grazed the shoulder of his jacket. “I know, Stef, but towards the end you were dozing off a little.” He shrugged his shoulder with a smile.

  “That fireplace was too warm and the conversation was getting pretty dull.” I smiled despite my attempts to be serious.

  “I’m just saying if you are too tired to drive home it would be okay with me to stay the night.”

  His hands left the steering wheel and delicately framed along the sides of my face. The stunning shade of his enchanting blue eyes held mine captive in their intense gaze.

  “I would never do anything that I thought could harm my girls. It’s just a thirty minute drive, and then we can tuck our baby girl in so she can wake up on Christmas morning in her own house. We can make Christmas special and our own from the second our eyes open.”

  I smiled, and traced my finger along his full bottom lip as my eyes flickered down to that delicious mouth.

  “You know Allie is too young to remember if she woke up on Christmas morning in her own crib.”

  “I’ll remember.” Stefan’s eyes held no humor as he spoke.

  No longer could I hold back as I molded my lips to his. The beginning of a new beard rubbed against my skin as my tongue caressed his. Every time we touched it was magic. From the accidental brush of our hands to each and every time our bodies connected into an incredibly passionate moment. From day one I could touch his arm and everything around us disappeared. It didn’t matter if we were in the privacy of our own home or in the middle of a crowded store—this was what destiny felt like.

  “I love you,” I whispered against his lips.

  I felt him smile against my mouth. He pulled back and looked into my eyes. “Not as much as I love you, Greyson Rose.”

  “Let’s go home,” I finally said.

  “As you wish, beautiful girl.” He cast me a playful wink before putting the car into gear and driving into the night.

  I tried my hardest to stay awake and keep Stefan company, but I lasted no more than five minutes. My fingers remained curled into the sleeve of his jacket, and it was that feeling of safety that put me to sleep just as it did every night. With Christmas carols playing softly in the background and the warmth from the heater rolling over me, I rested peacefully.

  We weren’t home yet, but something woke me up. I wasn’t sure what it was exactly but there was something in my gut pulling me from my sleep. My eyes opened, but quickly snapped shut again to adjust to the growing light. That’s when I figured it out. I peeled my eyes open and next to me was Stefan, asleep behind the wheel as our car slowly cruised towards oncoming traffic.

  The bright headlights of a truck pierced our vision, the deafening blow of the horn startling Stefan awake.

  “Shit!” he yelled.

  “Stefan!” I screamed before I could stop it.

  His hands took hold of the wheel and whipped our car away from the approaching traffic, crashing us into another vehicle. I screamed, tires screeched, and Stefan panicked. My neck was yanked back and forth until the side of my head collided against the window sending the glass in a shower around the car; the horrific sounds went silent while everything else went black.

  Summer 2013

  “Grey?” I blinked away the memories and focused onto the face of my concerned therapist, Amy.

  “Hmm?” I honestly couldn’t remember what her question had been.

  She offered a comforting smile. “Did I lose you for a second?”

  Over the years that I had been coming here, this had become a normality. Every once and a while I would zone out into some moment I usually tried to forget, and then I’d spend the next part of my conversation with Amy deflecting questions about the memory I revisited.

  “No, I’m fine, just a little tired.” Amy nodded knowi
ngly. In the beginning she pushed for more and more, but slowly realized I just wasn’t going to let her all the way into the depths of my mind.

  “Well, we have about ten minutes left of the hour. Do you have anything else you’d like to talk about before our session is over?”

  I crossed one leg over the other and looked to the ceiling as if my monosyllabic script was written above.

  “Um, well, we hired a new receptionist at the salon this week. So that’s been sort of fun and a bit stressful to help make sure she fits in with everyone.”

  A polite smile appeared on Amy’s face. “Hiring new employees can be very invigorating, but also a lot to take on,” she added.

  I bobbed my head in a slow, awkward nod. “Yeah, but she seems to be fitting in so far.”

  Amy smiled. “That is great to hear.”

  My smile matched hers, but my eyes darted to the clock hanging on the adjacent wall - 1:57, another hour survived. Or so I thought, until I glanced back to Amy and saw something in her face that always meant there was more coming that made me uneasy—curiosity. She closed her notebook, set it on the desk, and turned her full attention back to me.

  “Grey, do you mind if I speak openly about a few things?”

  I wanted to say no and leave it at that, but I couldn’t. Not only had I subjected myself to this therapy appointment, but Amy had always been there for me. Whether it was because it was her job or she truly cared—it still meant a lot to me.

  “Of course,” I said with obvious hesitation.

  She nodded and seemed to think for a minute before diving in. “You have been coming to see me for six, six and a half years. You have gone through so much, and I’d like to think you have done some healing from your wounds caused by your past. The reason I say this is because you have also grown so much as a person. You are a co-owner of a successful salon, you have family and friends surrounding you, and you are engaged to a wonderful man.” Amy paused to let her words sink in. She was right; everything in my life did seem to be manageable. Overall I was happy, and my day-to-day issues were small and I always had someone to talk with if I needed it.

  The look in her eyes made me wonder if she knew the thought process that was spinning through my head. It wouldn’t surprise me; this woman worked psychological magic.

  “Yet, without fail, every single Friday from one to two you are here. Please don’t get me wrong, I love meeting with you, and I think it would feel wrong if you weren’t my last appointment for the week. But when you come in we talk about little things; we talk about work, you fill me in on wedding plans, and then there is a moment I can feel you wanting to go deeper, but you stop it. So, for this week, I’m giving you some homework,” she said with a smirk. “You need to think about why it is that you come here every week. There is some reason deep inside of you that keeps you coming back. I’m not looking for an answer today and I don’t expect it to come easily. But you are here and there must be a reason why. I want you to figure that out.”

  More silence filled the room as I felt her eyes piercing me. Finally I exhaled a deep breath and nodded in consent.

  “Okay, I can do that.”

  “Fantastic.”

  We stood and shook hands as we did after every visit. On my way out I gave the receptionist a nod of approval, which was all we needed to set up next week’s appointment. My hand thrust against the glass door to swing it open as rays of sunshine blinded my eyes. Somehow I made it into my car before my knees collapsed. Not a single tear was shed, but I felt my chest heave up and down as I gasped for air. Flashbacks have been coming around more and more frequently, and honestly…it was tearing me apart.

  The moments from my past that I longed to forget just weren’t going away. I clutched my heart, trying to send those memories back to the depths of my soul. If I were given the chance to erase the past completely...I wouldn’t hesitate.

  A few minutes passed by as I regained my composure. Very few people knew where I came from, the person I used to be and the family I lost. That was the way it would stay.

  None of what happened was relevant now. I, Greyson Rose, was strong, independent and I could handle anything. At least, that was who I wanted to be.

  Once I found my emotional footing again, I decided I needed a reminder of the person I was now. The one who owned—well, co-owned—my very own salon where I had a two-month waiting list for an appointment with me. No one there knew about my past, and that was exactly the way I preferred it. The voice in the back of my head was starting to speak up and make me doubt myself all over again. I quickly turned up the radio to tune out everything but the words of Martina McBride’s song “A Broken Wing.”

  I sang out the lyrics, not well I might add, but it was already making my anxiety fade away. Before I knew it I was pulling into the parking lot of Bella Donna, which in Italian meant beautiful woman. My business partner, Kacie, loved the name since I am just a little less than half Italian and 90% of our clientele were women. I was about to grab hold of my purse and head inside when I noticed a text message from my fiancé, Richard Michaels.

  RM: Hello my beautiful girl, will you be coming home right after your meeting with Amy? I’d love to have an early dinner with you since I start my 30-hour shift tonight.

  I bit my lip with a sigh. Richard was more regularly known as Dr. Michaels and far too often worked very long shifts. Going home to spend the evening with my fiancé would be the best thing. I knew I was going to miss him terribly, just as I always did, but I couldn’t get myself to buckle the seatbelt and drive away. My heart was still feeling a little raw from the flashback and I knew I needed a little more time to breathe before going home.

  Me: I’ll come home ASAP. I need to stop by the salon. Be there soon—xoxo!

  As soon as I stepped into Bella Donna, I knew coming here first had been the right choice. Kacie’s bubbly face was the first thing I saw and immediately I smiled back.

  “Well, who is this gorgeous creature that has stopped by to grace us with her presence?” she announced, walking away from her station to greet me.

  “You are so ridiculous,” I replied with a laugh. Kacie threw her arms around my shoulders and pressed a kiss to my cheek.

  “What’s up, lovely? Isn’t Silver Fox home today?” Silver Fox was the name everyone called Richard because, well, it was pretty damn accurate. Combine his silver hair, prominent features, killer body and heart stopping smile, and you’d be lucky to still be standing after he left the room.

  “Yeah, he’s home, but I just wanted to stop by to see how things were going.” Kacie’s amusement wasn’t hidden from her eyes. My excuse was pathetic and we both knew it. This place was always just fine in Kacie’s hands when I wasn’t here. Thankfully, she never pried further into my vague responses.

  “Things are lovely, but since my client didn’t show up for her appointment and you don’t have any since you never have clients on Fridays, let me play with your hair!” My hand grabbed hold of my long, thick, dark chocolate hair.

  “What are you going to do to it?”

  Kacie shrugged her shoulders and pulled me to the chair at her station. “I don’t know, but you obviously don’t want to go home right now, so does it matter?”

  Okay, so maybe Kacie didn’t have to pry because she always kind of knew something was up anyway. “Guess not,” I said, giving Kacie the reigns to do as she pleased.

  Less than an hour later, my hair had been washed, blown out and formed into big Victoria’s Secret model style curls. Kacie even went the extra step of removing my make-up and reapplying colors to my olive-toned skin, bringing out the flecks of green and gold in my hazel eyes. She whipped off the cape, took a step back, and gave a single nod at me.

  “Pleased?” I asked with a smirk.

  Her shoulders bobbed up in a casual manner. “What can I say…I am a master of hair.”

  I burst out laughing before I could stop it. “Well, I love it.” I stood and flipped my hair around to see the dimensions
.

  “As do I, now go home to your yummy fiancé before I take your place.” Kacie gave me a wink and a quick slap on the bum.

  There was no point putting up a fight—she was right, it was time to go see my man. I waved goodbye to the other stylists, gave Kacie’s cheek a peck, and drove home to the second man I ever loved. While thoughts of the first threatened to break through once more.

  As soon as I reached the door to our duplex the wonderful smells of Richard’s cooking took hold of my senses. My mouth was watering before I even knew what was brewing in the kitchen. The warmth from the home cooking, smooth jazz music playing throughout the speaker system, and the smile on Richard’s face made me regret not coming home right away. He poured a glass of red wine before walking over to greet me. As yummy as that wine looked in his hand, it didn’t hold a candle to my Silver Fox. Standing a few inches taller than my 5’6, his body was lean but toned to perfection, and his face rivaled that of Clooney. Emerald eyes warmed as he looked over my new do, and when he flashed that beautifully perfect smile, I felt the butterflies in my stomach begin a very active dance.

  “There’s my darling, or should I say, my Bella Donna?” Even though Richard didn’t know any Italian, I still melted at the fluidity of just those words.

  “I missed you,” I said, tracing a line from his temple to his chin when he was in reach. He pressed a chaste kiss to my lips in return.

  “As did I, Beautiful. You’re just in time though, I made your favorite.”

  “Mmm…my favorite?” I asked.

  “Homemade pizza, with all your favorite toppings and red wine to wash it down.”

  “That sounds wonderful, baby.” I took the glass from his hands as Richard wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me over to the breakfast bar. As I slid onto the bar stool, he went back to finishing dinner.

  Watching Richard move about the kitchen was one of my favorite things. He looked perfectly at home as he moved about; cutting the pizza, dishing up our plates and serving it. There was no doubt in my mind that Richard was meant to be a family man. Six months ago when I officially moved in, the first thing he did was take my hands in his and tell me he had always dreamt of that moment. Having the career of his dreams, and buying a home that he would one day fill with his perfect family. That was when he told me that I was the only woman he could ever imagine having everything with.